I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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