The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
