3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
