Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
