I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wish my penis had a tongue
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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