I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
