that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
