Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
