the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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