My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
