She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
