Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
