Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
