i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
