let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Send help, water and tortillas.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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