God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my phone needs a breathalizer
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
