Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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