Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
