well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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