He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
