I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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