4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
