strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize