I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
