I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I CAN MOONWALK!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
