My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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