the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
