"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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