please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
