I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
