What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
