I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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