great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
