I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
