So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
