If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
