Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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