Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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