no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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