Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
