belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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