If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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