it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
