So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
