C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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