i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
