is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
