I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
