I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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