you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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