I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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