Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
