Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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