best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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