The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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