curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
