I'm jealous of your bromance
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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