We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize