We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
