It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
