after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
