i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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