I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
