return my video game
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
