What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
