wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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