Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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