i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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