Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize