Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
