Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
