1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
