Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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