I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am mentally ready for anal.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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