I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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