Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
