never play flip cup with pint glasses
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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