I look better un-naked...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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