He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
