Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
