At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
