I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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