I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
