just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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