what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
