She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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