he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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