"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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