I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Mom said you looked used
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
