I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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