All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
