Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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