eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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