My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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