There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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