he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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