i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
