he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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