Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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