The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
