so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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