He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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