my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
whose parrot is this?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
